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Gokon rule 107: getting the phone number

Posted on: March 23, 2009

The ultimate objective of the gokon, is to exchange the phone numbers so you can keep in touch with the person of your interest after the gokon. No matter what expectations the participants came here with, the ultimate objective, at least for the night is to exchange the phone number. If you go home with the phone number, then you have succeeded the mission for the night of gokon. What happens after with the phone number, however, varies depending on each individual cases and actions.

I have seen different cases on the phone number exchange.

  1. Complete failutre: Nobody exchanges phone numbers
  2. Cell phone orgy: At the end of the gokon,  the organizer urges that everybody exchange phone number
  3. Folllow up contact list: After the gokon is finished, the organizers send list of the name and phone number of the participants
  4. Business business: the participants exchange business cards, with phone number and e-mail address from work
  5. Just for you and me: The couple who hit it off well exchange their phone numbers privately

and which one of the above cases has more success rate? The books say, obviously, #5 where the guy asks a girl privately for her phone number. (note: not the other way around) So what are the techniques to make this happen? Here are the techniques found on the gokon guides on the internet.

Best timing for phone number exchange:

1. during private talk
2. outside of the restaurant, during the good bye time

Advice for men:
How to smoothly ask for her number?

In in order to ask for her number smoothly and successfully, one must clarify the purpose of obtaining the phone number (i.e., I like her and I want to take her out for dinner) and communicate the purpose to her. “Can I get your phone number?” has less success of getting her number than “There is really good thai restaurant that I think you would enjoy. Can I take you out sometime?” However, this might intimidate the girl because “taking you out on a date” might be too much for her at this time. So the safest would be to propose a get together with couple of people, perhaps the same participants of the gokon or other friends. “Let’s all go out again” to “give me your contact address so we can organize another gathering” is your safest bet, at least for the moment. Then you can actually ask her on a date after the gokon. In order for the men to successfuly get women’s contact address, identify and communicate the reason for asking for the phone number, as easy as that.

Advice for women:
How are women supposed to make the men initiate phone number exchange?

Now, this gets more complicated, as you can imagine. In most cases, it is much easier for women to ask a man’s phone number, but that would come out as pretty agressive movement. In addition, women generally has only one shot to ask for the phone number from one man in a gokon. If she asks multiple men’s phone number, she will come off as desperate. In most cases, it is better off to only give out the phone number when men ask for it. And there are some technique women use to make the men ask for their phone number.

The most commonly advised technique is to show interest in his interests and make him invite you to join him. For example, when the man is talking about a restaurant or a place he likes, say “sounds nice, I have never been there but I would love to go some time. ” and hope he would respond “sure, I will take you there. Should we exchange phone number then?” This technique can also apply to conversation on movies, hobbies, museums… anything. Let him talk about his interest, show yout interest, make him ask you out, then exchange the number.

Now, you got the number but what you are gonna do with it is another BIG issue! Please look forward to my report on that one. I’m no expert on the subject but I have successfully lead the FlirText to get to 3 first date so I know something about it myself ;)

this is how you exchange contact info in Japan, infared sending contact information between phones, essential for giving your info to friends and partners

this is how you exchange contact info in Japan, infared sending contact information between phones, essential for giving your info to friends and partners

1 Response to "Gokon rule 107: getting the phone number"

Hello :)

I found your blog very randomly, I was just reading a list of “the top 60 popular Japanese words/phrases of 2008

( http://www.pinktentacle.com/2008/11/top-60-popular-japanese-words-phrases-of-2008/ )

I was interested in this word / reference to a book:

Marriage hunting (konkatsu – 婚活): “Konkatsu-Jidai” (”The Times of Marriage-Hunting”).

So I started searching for more information through google and then I stumbled across your page.

I find it really interesting because you can understand the western and the Japanese mind well. Plus the sociological angle is intriguing… Most of my Japanese friends are fully Japanese… or at least 80% Japanese, the culture is so internal and they are immersed in it. You are not so immersed, so you are able to look at it more objectively and pinpoint certain curiosities that are usually taken for granted.

Anyway, I will surely follow your blog from now on!

カレソ

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From the Western perspective, what goes on in the Japanese dating scene is really different and interesting! In this shy nation of Japan, meeting new people is almost institutionalized, dating and romance is littered with conventions that protect people from social awkwardness. What are dating conventions and rules in Japan? How do the shy Japanese people meet new people, develop affection, and express their passion? As I research and answer these question, I will write a real time report of what's going on in the Tokyo dating scene, or the "Tokyo Meet Market" here in this blog. I hope you enjoy my blog and a trip around Tokyo Meet Market with me!

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