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Gokon rule 105: “My name is….” the self introduction

Posted on: February 23, 2009

Now, all members are seated in the table, the female members come face to face to the male members. The participants casually talk about the weather, work, how the fellow members are connected (i.e., through university, work, childhood friends) then the waitor comes to ask for the drinks.

What to drink?

In most gokon, alcohol plays a big role in developing the relationships among the participants they have just met. The first drink, is almost 98% of the time alcohol, and it’s typicall beer for the male team. If you are a woman, you have two choices: 1) be the fun girl you are, and toast with the beer like the guys (and guys like gals who can gulp down beer like a man) or 2) be the cutey girly girl and order your pink/red/orange sweetie cocktail to show your feminine side (and guys like girly girls) Ladies, the game has already began with the choice for your first drink!

“Kanpai” (Toast!) After a friendly toast, usually given by the male organizer, it is time for the self-introduction. The chance to promote yourself, to sell your best qualities and to learn about the others. Now, there are so much written and said about the techniques of the self-introduction I’m going to summarize the rules into 1) how to talk about yourself 2) how to talk about your friend 3) how to listen to the opposite sex team introduction and 4) what to do with information gathered through the introduction

The basics of self-introduction:

Objective: to promote yourself and to gather information on the members of the opposite sex

When it is conducted: After the first drink is served

How it’s conducted: Usually the male organizer announces the beginning of the self-introduction and he would go first, and most likely go around the table in order

How to introduce yourself :
Firstly, smile, be fun, speak with your attitude cutely/confidently (whatever your style is) and introduce yourself on

  • Name, and nickname
  • Place of residency
  • Work (and workplace)
  • Age
  • Hobbies and interests

How to support your fellow team members introduction:

At times, you may want to give a supporting introduction for your close friend from your fellow team members. Don’t say anything negative about her/him. Only support on the positive nature of the friend and help her establish favorble fun first impression. For example, if you want to support your friend on promoting her beauty and popularity, you do not talk about her ex-boyfriends and the crazy night outs in the club when she got so many guys attention… But you can bring up an episode back from high school when she was voted as beauty queen (equivalent to prom-queen), something non-threatening, but fun episode as such would help your friend look better.

How to listen to introduction of the opposite sex members:
Don’t just listen to the others introduction. Make a few appropriate comments and questions. Obviously, you want to do so to show interest, so focus on 1-2 person that you have found instant attraction with.

  • Ask for their nickname, how they like to be called and the history behind the name
  • Ask how their name is written in kanji (chinese characters)
  • Express interests, awe, surprise, respect especially on men’s career
  • If you find something in common (i.e., work place, neighborhood) tell them! (but again, only if you are interested in him!)

Now what?

The self-introduction gives enough information for you to start private conversation with the one you are interested in. You should try to remember the information given and to develop the conversation later in the gokon, as the introduction is over and the mingling begins. How well you listen during the self-introduction is the key to developing lasting relationship throughout the gokon.


2 Responses to "Gokon rule 105: “My name is….” the self introduction"

Wow you’re a real professional! those boys have better watch out! I think you should be a gokon coach!

Great idea, but will this work over the long run?

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What is Tokyo Meet Market?

From the Western perspective, what goes on in the Japanese dating scene is really different and interesting! In this shy nation of Japan, meeting new people is almost institutionalized, dating and romance is littered with conventions that protect people from social awkwardness. What are dating conventions and rules in Japan? How do the shy Japanese people meet new people, develop affection, and express their passion? As I research and answer these question, I will write a real time report of what's going on in the Tokyo dating scene, or the "Tokyo Meet Market" here in this blog. I hope you enjoy my blog and a trip around Tokyo Meet Market with me!

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