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Gokon report #3: gokon by the book

Posted on: February 8, 2009

Romance meter: 65%
Conclusion: I think this was the most typical “gokon-party” out of the 3 gokons that I have been so far. This gokon went exactly by the book and took all the steps mentioned in the gokon books. And I realized, for the first time that gokon does give opportunities for the participants to talk to new people, see which participants feel the connection, then leaving some more time to find out if the couple has enough chemistry to see eachother again.

Genre: dinner with all-you-can-drink
Show time: February 6th 8pm
Running time: 140 min
MPAA rating: PG

Guys team: 4 guys including, Mr.Base, Mr.Drum, Mr.Singer, and Mr.Potato who all work for the same company and has a band together
Girls team: 4 girls including myself


Except for the fact one girl turned up very late because of her work , this gokon happened by the book, following every rule of the gokon.

As every gokon is supposed to begin, the guys arrived a little early, and the girls arrived fashionably 3 min late. With the 3 girls sitting on one side of the table and 4 guys sitting on the other side, we all toasted to Friday night with beer mug. As we started drinking and eating appetizers, everyone started to give a brief self-introduction (“jiko shoukai”), introducing their names and how they know eachother, then talking about their job, hobbies, and anything else of vague social interest. Once the formalities of self-introduction and polite conversation are completed, everyone started to relax, chat, joke, and drink more. The guys also moved around and changed the seat to get a chance to talk to every girl, not just the ones they happen to sit right infront of.

Towards the end of the gokon, the 4th girl showed up finally, but barely in time to have 1 drink before our all-you-can-drink course ended. So the guys politely offered to pay for her share of the bill since she did not get to eat/drink the course menu. But the guys were not polite enough to show equal amount of interest in her as they did for the other girls.


As for me, this gokon turned out to be bit interesting with Mr.Singer. Since our workplaces are just one station away, and our birthdays are just one day away, our conversation flourished as we absorbed more alcohol. The topic of conversation was mainly about his band and the songs he likes to sing in the future.

Mr.Singer used a gokon technique to ask for my contact information. Although he clearly had his cell phone with him (because he called the organizer for direction to the restaurant on his way), he pretended to have forgotten his cell phone. This is also a strategy mentioned in many gokon rules.

A topic of cell phone often leads to exchange of contact information. Girls, if you want to exchange the contact information, casually talk about your cell phone. Taking the phone out of the bag and talking about its functionality, it will make it easier for the men to propose the idea of exchanging phone numbers.

In this gokon, Mr.Singer pretended to have forgotten his cell-phone which lead to talk of traditional way of exchanging phone numbers by writing on a peice of peper napkin, and so we did. We parted with casual promise to have a lunch in the future.

It was also interesting to validate one of the gokon golden rule for women.

On the day of the gokon, get your work done fast. Showing up late to gokon because of work will autimatically make you out of interests of the participating male members.

A man who is late to gokon because of his work receives praises and sympathy from his fellow male members, but a woman who is late to gokon because of her work only intimidates the male members. It shows that she is more busy, more successful, and more needed by her company and the society than the men.


1 couple, me and Mr.Singer, exchanged phone number

To be continued in Tokyo date report #1: Yurakucho boy


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What is Tokyo Meet Market?

From the Western perspective, what goes on in the Japanese dating scene is really different and interesting! In this shy nation of Japan, meeting new people is almost institutionalized, dating and romance is littered with conventions that protect people from social awkwardness. What are dating conventions and rules in Japan? How do the shy Japanese people meet new people, develop affection, and express their passion? As I research and answer these question, I will write a real time report of what's going on in the Tokyo dating scene, or the "Tokyo Meet Market" here in this blog. I hope you enjoy my blog and a trip around Tokyo Meet Market with me!

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